Inspiration

I haven't really shared this yet, but I have a HUGE adoration for the blog called Marc and Angel Hack Life. It has inspired me in a lot of ways, in fact, I open it like every other day to get bits and pieces of encouragement.

I shared this to my partner and he liked the whole idea of coming up with a website just like this, but we will position it only to Filipinos. The Filipino nation is whole different story--- we have our own set of trials and problems as a race, hence we get encouragement and inspiration in a unique sort of way.

On top of that, there are tons of things to inspire about--- Filipino OFWs, Jobless Pinoys, Pinoy music, Pinoy food, Gay Pinoys, Catholicism, Pinoy Callcenter stories (coz I'm a huge fan of Outsourced)--- the possibilities are actually endless.

A part from that, I will be making my own illustrations for this website. I'm thinking of children's book type of illustration like the one you see in every chapter of Harry Potter. I'm thinking of making our own website's Pinoy characters (remember Pugad Baboy?). And then we're gonna tap a few friends to contribute inspirational stories, too. And yes, Lem, I'm definitely thinking about you as I'm writing this. :)

That's just about it--- it's not the best idea in the world but we're both passionate about it and I think it's really fun and sweet that we get to have something together. It's better than getting a puppy (although yes, we're getting a puppy real soon). I dont even think we're the best people to come up with such a thing, but hey, this is all just for the love of fun, adventure, and inspiring people at the same time. Hubby has been a leadership lecturer for years (and is still actively doing it) and I'm pretty good at doing blahs and illustrations. All we need now is a bit more depth on HTML and stuff.

I'm in bed now and I'm sarting to build whole picture in my mind. I stopped and thought--- hmmm, POSIBLE. :)

I Wish I Knew How to Quit You

One of my biggest challenges as we speak is my need to stop smoking. I have been smoking since college (I'm not a chain-smoker though), but I consume about 4-6 sticks a day. Now that's alarming. I am not getting any younger, and I have vowed time and again to live healthy as much as I could. I do regular exercise, I monitor my weight, my fat intake and all the works, but something just feels off when I am reminded that I still haven't conquered my love for smoking. I just wanna quit now, as in now. I have attempted many times, in fact I lost count already.

And at this stage I have already noticed a few changes in my voice. I don't want to lose the whistle register completely. I still want to keep it for as long as I'm alive. The fact that I sing for a living should make me want to quit smoking the soonest. But how?

Gleeks Unite!

The second installment of Glee episodes is here. I failed to watch the first one last April 14 coz I had one busy week. I havent even had the chance to watch Idol for 2 weeks now and I havent had much time to watch the online streams, too. I heard Andrew Garcia was booted out and I'm very disappointed. Oh well, good thing there's still Glee 2 to keep my weekdays sane.

And if you're a big fan of the great Sue Sylvester like me, you might wanna watch this video. Sue stages her version of Madonna's Vogue--- that's Sue minus the track suit plus the corset plus the famous cone bra plus lots of laces.

Watch next week's episode of Glee dedicated to the one and only Pop Queen, madonna, in the Glee: The Power of Madonna week. Loves!

LET IT GO!!!

I got this really really nice article from one of my former superiors, and I found it so touching. I want to share this to you now---

LETTING GO
By T.D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you, let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead...

You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over.

Let me tell you something... I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift; I believe in good-bye... It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat, I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to...

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ...

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you.

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge...

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents...

LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude...

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him...

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship...

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves...

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed ...

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying 'take your hands off of it', then you need to...

LET IT GO!!!

What For?

I got a series of emails from my fellow alumna from the University of the Philippines about the news of UP High School's closure. I have heard of this news years ago so I wasn't really surprised. As a graduate from this university, I certainly think I should my share of concern.

I would like to hear both sides of the story, but honestly, I don't think there is a need to abolish the Professional Education Division.

What for? Education is for all--- it is a right, not a privilege.

Panic At The Disco... (Office Goes Afrowww Part 1)

Funked Up Nina

DJ Oslec

How bout some whoop-whoop from good freind Dannah... :)

Kirk All Shuffled Up

Boogie Diva Aimee

Sizzlin' Karen (...no that's not Cory Aquino, pipol...)

Heegee-Beegee Harhar

The Jepoy Fever

and Shaggadellic Keith

I can't come up with write-ups. I dont know, maybe I'm just having such a good time lately. :)

my reasons to quit always outnumber my reasons to start something noble

Sunday sermon was great.

Perseverance.

If there is something that I'm always guilty of, it is the fact that I have this bad habit of starting things and not having the perseverance to finish it. I always get so afraid halfway, and the worst part is, the temptation to quit is something that always attracts me. I have lost count on the things that I started, some actions that I have pursued, and plans that I have started that I never ever get to finish because I either get too afraid, or just get tired about it and do something else.

It's like I never run out of new things to start, but I also never run out of reasons to quit. The funny thing is, my reasons to quit always outnumber my reasons to start something noble.

Listening to the Pastor's message I thought to myself, hey maybe this is the reason why now at 27 years old I still have the silliest questions in life. I started things before that left me hanging.

Bad.

A lot of people would decide to run a race, some of them you expect to see win, only to find out that they're not even there at the finish line. The thought makes me guilty big time.


1. Sermon says: We must not be deterred by the lack of immediate results.

Beautiful Bullshit pleads guilty on this. I don’t know--- patience is a virtue I
do not possess. If I was a kid and you'd make me take the marshmallow test, I
would fail. Definitely. I want immediate results. If I want to lose 10 lbs, I
want to lose it overnight. Call me crazy, but don’t we all dream of the fastest,
quickest results? Slow is garbage.

2. Sermon says: We must not be deterred by major set-backs along the way.

Beautiful Bullshit pleads guilty again: If I pursue something, and I see some
close friends do the opposite, I completely forget my goals and go with the
flow (even if the flow OBVIOUSLY is going down the drain). Example? Smoking.
Duh.

3. Sermon says: We must not be deterred by the ridicule of others.

Beautiful Bullshit pleads guilty: Im gay, ok? What people think about me, what I
wear, how I fix my hair, among others, is a big issue for me. MAJOR as a matter
of fact. If I start a goal, and find myself ridiculed by others because it's
weird, or funny or cheap or ugly, I drop it.

So there. I realized I was doing it wrong, it's high time I change my ways. It's never to late to start something good really.

One of the biggest lessons that struck me was the sermon about perseverance and on finishing the race. I have learned that all of us are called to a race that we are supposed to finish.

I say it's totally fine to be human. We're not called to all be saints anyway. But it's never too late to start something good and finish it. I say I start with one noble goal at a time. God is always there so I'll be fine. :)

Squid sisig, anyone?

"Mom, that would be VERY easy if I was born straight, but I'm not so---"

I wonder how my life would be if I was born straight.

I had this thought today when I met my Mom over to have lunch. I typically see her once every two weeks (or sometimes longer than that), but this month, I get to see her like every week. A while ago while the two of us were pigging out on lechon, she told me about one of our neighbors getting pregnant. And then she had her usual segway on me getting married and when, and having my own kids and finding that one person I can spend the rest of my life with.

At the back of my mind I retorted, "Mom, that would be VERY easy if I were born straight, but I'm not so---".

As always, I would usually answer her with a smirk. My Mom knows the whole truth about me being gay , and my dreams, even my love stories (and love failures). So if I could just tell her exactly what I was thinking that time, I would have mercilessly uttered "Mom, that would be VERY easy if I were born straight, but I'm not--- so I guess you'd have to settle on the fact that your son is taking the non-conventional route--- but don’t worry Mom, I'm having the time of my life--- seriously".

I sat down in bed trying to get some sleep. And then the questions start to creep in. What if I was born straight? Life would have been easier. No. Maybe life would be harder. I'm not sure.

What if I was born a girl? How would life be drooling over dresses made of lace? How would I look wearing pigtails and curls and ribbons and headbands? How would it feel to have menstruation? How many boyfriends would I have? How would it feel to talk with your girl friends on the telephone in the wee hours of the night talking about boys? How would it feel to walk in the beach wearing a bikini? At what age would I lose my virginity? At what age would I get pregnant? Will I ever get the chance to find my Romeo and settle down? How would he look?

But what if I was born a straight guy? How would it feel to enlist myself on a basketball team? How would it feel to bring a lady flowers? How would it feel to be in the same shower room with dozen other naked guys after a game? How would it feel to get so drunk after some random girl I fell in love with broke my heart? How many girlfriends will I have? How would it feel to become a Dad?

I wanna know, but that would be something that I could never fathom. I could read about it on Cosmo or Men's Health, but it would be like a 3-year old kid reading HTML language. I rest my case as I have conceded to the fact that I shall be forever unknowing of whatever is going on at the other side of the world.

But then, dont worry Mom. If you worry about me growing old alone and unhappy, I assure you it's gonna be otherwise the case.

Slouch

I only get to work 4 days this week instead of 5 since it will be the Independence Day Celebration in the US this July 3. One day vacation for me these days would mean a lot--- it could save my life as a matter of fact. I still have the biggest hang-over from the sick-leave I had last week coz I'd like to think I'm totally well but I had recurring headaches for the past couple of days reason for me to concede to the validation that I still need a lot of bed rest.

Missing Home. I miss home and the kids. I keep on looking at my nieces' and nephews' pics when it gets really lonely.

On Being Cared For. The other day, my Mom and Dad came to visit me here in the city and for the first time in the longest time I felt like their baby again. I have somehow forgotten feeling of being the one who was cared for by my parents.

Dumb. I have been out of the office for a week, and now Im back to work. I so want to be on top of my game this week, but I'm having quite a challenge at switching gears. I feel dumb actually. I'd like to think that this is just a phase, and I'd wake up next week to find myself back in perfect corporate shape.

Manager's Appreciation Award. This week aint all that bad. In fact I had the greatest come back last Monday when my bosses and colleagues surprised me with an awesome token of appreciation (and some cash, hehehe). I am pretty convinced now, and beaming with delight, at the amount of good karma that I'm able to burn-off on this seemingly thankless job. I thank you all for giving me this award, it means a lot to me really.

Bun's Home. Bunster's home from a long business trip in Bangkok and Singapore, and then a wedding in Davao. Crazy couple weeks that was for him, poor Bunster. But he's now back and (thankfully) AH1N1-free. We have scheduled a trip to Bantayan Island this weekend by the way, and I'm excited about the fact that this is going to be our first out of town trip together. *asus*

I'm so gonna grow my hair long back again. Cant wait

I ASKED MYSELF A MAJOR LIFE QUESTION A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO.

What's with this show called Boys Over Flowers?

It gets a little bugging when the rest of the world is talking about something you have no idea about. It's almost like I come from Mars and our great leader decides to throw me down to planet earth to learn the simple ways of life of the earthlings .

Let me regress.

Marsian story number 1: I was in the office and my cousin Adong and my friend Janeth were raving over the pictures of this certain Korean/ Taiwanese/ Chinese or whatever guy. I insatntly thought he was cute, the usual face you get to see in Asain Novelas (I don't watch them by the way, I get too annoyed at dubbed flicks).

Then everyone in the office starts to talk about the show called Boys over Flowers. I thought it was a porn movie about a group of boys going gaga over a certain girl's vagina. Turns out I'm just totally perverted coz Boys Over Flowers actually is the newest Asian flick shown every afternoon in the Kapamilya Network.

Marsian Story Number 2: I went down to smoke and heard a couple of girls talking about the same show

Marsian Story Number 3: At lunch break I heard 3 guys talking about it.

Anyway, I had the same agony after a few days from that when I heard my friends talking about a series of episodes, or the guys in the sauna room at the gym, or the janitors in the mall's restroom.

And my Marsian story went on and on and on.

I utter my mantra: Nothing Beats Gossip Girl. I'm sosyal. I'm sosyal. I'm sosyal.

Marsian story number x + 1: My boyfriend is in Bangkok now and the other day, I tried to talk to him via YM and I miss him terribly and he brushed me off coz he's busy watching "Boys Over Flowers".

And then I thought, that’s it! ENOUGH I SAID.

Finally, yesterday my roommate Marcial bought a Boys Over Flowers DVD and I didn’t have any other choice but to watch a few episodes. I was giggling like crazy I instantly recall the days when my bestfriend Rain and I would rave over Meteor Garden and shout "Dao Ming suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, I looooooooooooooove youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

Now I'm hooked. And I'm having wet dreams romancing Lee Min Ho in sleep.

And I'm so gonna grow my hair long back again. Cant wait.

52 things I would love to say out loud at work

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhhh. I see the f ***-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a sh*t.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any resemblance between your reality and mine are purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!
20.. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your cry-baby whiny-arsed opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a f****** people person to you?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed.
31. Oh I get it. Like humour, but different.........
32. An office is just a mental institute without the padded walls.
33. Can I swap this job for what's behind door .........1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume (or aftershave). Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; it turns out I just needed the money.
39. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being more intelligent.
40. Wait a minute - I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
41. Aren't you a black hole of need.
42. I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?
43. Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?
44. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.
45. If you have something to say raise your hand.........then place it over your mouth.
46. I'm too busy, can I ignore you some other time?
47. Don't let your mind wander, its too small to be let out on its own.
48. Have a nice day, somewhere else.
49. You're not yourself today, I noticed the improvement straight away.
50. You are as pretty as a picture, I'd really like to hang you.
51. Don't believe everything you think.
52. Do you hear that? That's the sound of no-one caring .

Faking

Some pains just don't die. No matter how hard you let go of it, some pains just stay.

Some pains just don't die a natural death. A lot of them don't die at all. And most of the time, you're left with no other choice but to fake it. You show the world that life must go on, and that you have everything right under control.

But sometimes our facades aren't that perfect. Sometimes friends will catch us just staring blankly in space, or humming a sad tune alone, or sometimes sad words just slip by. You immediately say "oh I got that from a movie" or "it's someone else's story, not mine---me? in pain? no way"

Some pains just don't die. Some you bury alive--- but and it calls your name over and over again, haunting you every second, every minute of every f*cking day.

A Love Letter to John Legend

I didn't care much about Rihanna or Chris Brown last year.

Or Mariah Carey wayback when I was still in college.

But when I knew John Legend's gonna come to Manila I jumped out of my seat coz damn, it's simply the best thing that could ever happen to the Philippine concert stage.

I just have one super big concern: why is filing for a vacation leave as impossible as gay men getting pregnant? For a corpo-slave like me, having a leave approved is like winning the lottery, and I mean it.

So there--- I guess it's just not the right time. But hell John, if you get to read this post, let me tell you once and for all that I am your biggest fan here in Pinas and I'm serious as shit when I say that. Seriously.

Seriously.

Random Thoughts At Work

I am having the craziest week at work. And I'm having this in the midst of nursing a broken heart still. But then again, nothing that I can't handle. So...


GOD is too wise to be mistaken...
GOD is too good to be unkind...
so when you dont understand..
when you dont see HIS plan...
when you can't trace HIS hand...
HAVE FAITH AND TRUST HIS HEART.


:)

Random Thoughts While Working--- I Love My Job

I haven't done a lot of updating on this blog this week. Work's been putting a lot of demands on me lately--- crazy week this is. I have been very busy taking care of requests, but everything's cool. I'd like to think that God won't trust me with anything I couldn't handle. And it's fun coz you get to delight a lot of people, and I think that's the most important thing. When you're happy with what you're doing, and you know the reason why you're happy about it, then everything comes out easy, and yes, manageable.

I'm taking some time to sit down and utter my mantra for this week:

I love my job.
I love my job.
I love my job.
Nothing I couldn't handle.
I love my job.

heheheh

Random Thoughts While Working --- On Loving the People Who Love You

***Keith on drama mode...

The number of people who love you for who you really are is directly proportional to the number of people who hate you for being so...

Never make enemies out of the people who do not understand how it is to be you. It's just not totally worth the effort. And what they think of you is completely out of your business.

Instead, make more effort on loving the people who know you well, and have come to appreciate your existence. Take time at reminding them how much they mean to you, and how much you truly care. They wont be there forever by the way.

To all those whom I love and who love me back, thank you. I'm looking forward to more and more years of friendship.

Fucked up Without You

Songwriting's always been one of my favorite past-times. I do it everytime there's this emotion that I wanna vent out. I was searching through old notes earlier today and I came accross one song that I wrote last year.

I still think of you everyday
And every night I still cry myself to sleep
I want to move on but I just can’t take one step further
Mornin’ il awake up with the same sadness I keep
There’re nights when I look up to heaven and pray
But not a single intention comes out in sight
All I know is that there’s this empty space inside
That only you and you alone can fill

It is my god-forsaken right to win you back
Coz lord knows I’m just so fucked up without you
The more I avoid the thought that you’re gone
The more I find myself believing you’ll return
It is my god-forsaken right to win you back
Coz lord knows I’m just so fucked up without you
I’ve planned a million diff’rent ways to forget
But I still keep on believing you’ll return.

And I wanna dwell in this emptiness the whole night
It would be like kissing you all night
It’d be touching and feeling your body all night
And I’d feel kinda okay the morning after
But reality tells me that everything’s over
And that there’s no hope of having you back
I’m just so despondently down and blue.
Coz there’s no us. Just me. No you.

And I still keep all the letters you sent
And I kept all our photographs together
I still even drive down our favorite coffee shop
With hopes of seeing your face filled with laughter
Everything about me still says that you’re there
Everything about me still says you care
I wanna believe everything’s just a bad dream
That I’d wake up one day and see you back beside me

It is my god-forsaken right to win you back
Coz lord knows I’m just so fucked up without you
The more I avoid the thought that you’re gone
The more I find myself believing you’ll return
It is my god-forsaken right to win you back
Coz lord knows I’m just so fucked up without you
I’ve planned a million diff’rent ways to forget
But I still keep on believing you’ll return.

Random Thoughts While Working --- On Fidelity

Fidelity is not manufactured, engineered, plotted, nor should it ever be an obligation or something that you should request from your partner. It is a natural product of love and of two persons who are in a loving relationship. It takes commitment and a lot of effort to make it work out. It is something given spontaneously to your partner.

I believe that everyone is capable of fidelity if and only if they have finally found that one person who can make them so. Otherwise, he or she will continue on a search of the missing puzzle piece.

Cheating is absolute and is non-negotiable. There is never a thing called half-cheating.

Sex is a good thing, especially when you do it with that one person you truly love. It is where we are supposed to express our deep affection, and care and at the same time, touching base at our true human nature. I believe sex is something to be enjoyed. I believe sex is something we should do really often. I believe sex shouldn’t be repressed or held back. But since sex is great and it could be really really really addictive, some people will have the difficulty of being able to pinpoint what is reasonable from what is not, much more, at fulfilling and sustaining a lasting relationship

Random Thoughts While Working

I dont know if I should call it my weakness but I always expect people to give me the same courstesy I bestow upon them... Like If I love you, I expect you to love me back--- that if I'm kind to you, I expect the same kindness given back---

I guess I trust the people around me too much to expect the same considerations. Most of the time, I get so disappointed by it.

Or should I be?

And by the way, John Lloyd's pic above has got nothing to do about this. Trip lang.

Random Thoughts At Work

As I was skimming through my old income tax certificates, it dawned on me that I was ACTUALLY paying the government so much money that If I'd add up the amounts from the day I started paying taxes until today, I'd be able to afford myself a liposuction. Or maybe a second-hand car. Or (maybe) a trip around the world, hehehe, over rah. My point is, I am paying this much in exchange of what?

And I'm not seeing anything good outside. This is fouler than being held-up in Colon or in the jeepney or something.

What do I want? I want a street named after me! Now.