Pages

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Who's the real Labandera?

I had this conversation with our landlady while I was washing my white clothes this morning. I was seated at a small chair in front of a big pile of clothes to wash.



Nang Tomasa: Ikaw diay mulaba anang imong mga sanina, dong?

Me: Oo...

Nang Tomasa: (In super-pakialamera mode) Nagpalaba na lang ta ka's labandera! Dagko baya daw mo'g sweldo diha sa Lexmark.

Me: (slightly annoyed) Sayun ra man ni oi. Hehehe, wala koy kwarta oi. --- daghan pajud kaayo kog gastu-anan. Kung buot huna-hunaon, mas kwartahan pa ang labandera kaysa sa nako.

Nang Tomasa: Ay suuuuuuuus. Naunsa gud tawn na? Di gyud ko mutuo. Lexmark gud ka. Pila ra ba'y kwarta sa labandera!

Me: Taympa, asa diay ang labandera?

Nang Tomasa: Tu-a sa iskina. Nagpa-Rebond.

Me: See. :)

Friday, July 24, 2009

Oh well. Tuesdays.

There's something about Tuesdays that I hate.

For some reasons, all the crazy bad lucks of the week for me always happens on a Tuesday. Must be my planets and stars or whatever.

Tuesday office shifts are killer shifts. It's that point of the week when you realized you procrastinated too much from the late points of last week and Monday of the current week. It's just all work and no play. No sodokus. No music. No roaming around other people's workspaces. Just work.

Yeah Tuesdays.

And today I only had about 3 hours of sleep. I was all dolled up for bed this morning when the carpenter started banging on the roof to fix some leaks (or whatever, he could be doing the moonwalk for all I know). This just puzzles me big time coz he did some fixes about 4 weeks ago and now he's back again to fix something. Is our roof depreciating too fast because of global warming? Acid rain? Did it rain coins last night?

I woke up at around 5 all groggy and still dying to go back to bed. I needed to shower coz my day starts at 5pm, that's non-negotiable. I realized someone was using our common bathroom and toilet so I waited.

10 minutes.

20 minutes.

40 minutes.

Until I realized it's almost 6:30pm. I waited for about and hour and a half, people! I mean, what is that!

I stormed in only to see that our caretaker was actually cleaning the toilet and the walls. There was shit on the walls. And shit on the floor. Brown and almost-black gooey stuff. Worst part is, she was trying to wash off what looked like shit on her legs. Believe me, the sight was a total nightmare.

So much with the details. I decided to just shower in the gym.

When I came back to pick up my usual office stuff, I saw this sign posted at our bathroom door.




Oh well. Tuesdays.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Whatever, Yaya

I had to post this. Got me laughing to pieces... Read on :)




1. Yaya buys food at McDo.
Crew: “Dito niyo na po ba kakainin?”
Yaya: “Puwede sa table?”


2. Kid: “Yaya look, boats!”
Yaya: “Dows are not boats, dey’re yachts.”
Kid: “Yaya, spell yachts?”
Yaya: “Yor rayt, dey are boats.”


3. Woman carrying sick baby enters doctor’s office.
Doc: “Bottlefed?”
Woman: “Brea - stfed po.”
(Doctors squeezes woman’s breasts repeatedly)
Doc: “Ayan ang problema, wala kang gatas, eh.”
Woman: “Yaya lang po ako doc! Yaya!”


4. The eggs that yaya bought turned out to be rotten.
She stormed back to the grocery and told the vendor:
“Manong, ang baho ng itlog niyo!”


5. My mom asked our yaya to buy Inquirer and Star.
Our yaya came back and said: “Ma’am, wala pong Inquirer
kaya bumili nalang po ako ng dalawang Star!”


6. Yaya: “Huhuhu…”
Ate: “O, bakit ka umiiyak?”
Yaya: “Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!”
Ate: “Eh bakit ka ba tinitighiyawat?”
Yaya: “Kasi po di ako makatulog sa gabi.”
Ate: “O, bakit ka di makatulog?”
Yaya: “Kasi po may pinoproblema ako…”
Ate: “Ano naman ang pinoproblema mo?”
Yaya: “Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!”



7. (Earlier) Mom: “Yaya, lagay mo yung pesto sa ref!”
(Later) Son: “Yaya, nakita mo PS2 ko?”
Yaya: “Nasa ref, pinalagay ng mama mo!”



8. Just now my maid burned a hole in my uniform.
I angrily asked her, “Paano mo naman nasunog to?”
She answered: “Secret!”



9. After watching a movie, our yaya blurted out :
“Ang pangit naman, happy ending!”



10. Sir: “Yaya, gawa mo ko ng kape. Yung decaf ha!”
Yaya: “Siyempre naman, alangan namang de-baso!”



11. Mom: “Yaya, magluto ka na pag-alis ko ha!”
Yaya: “Ano po lulutuin ko?”
Mom: “It’s up to you.”
(During dinner) Mom: “Yaya, bakit ketsup at tuyo ang ulam?”
Yaya: “Diba nung tinanong ko kayo kung anong lulutuin ko,
sabi niyo, ‘kitsup tuyo’!”


12. Our neighbor’s yaya: “Junjun, chew your mouth!”



13. Our yaya sa sari-sari store: “Miss isang Coke in can
at isang Sprite na Coke in can…”



14. SIR: “Inday, si sir mo to, nabangga kotse ko & I need cash!”
INDAY: “Aru, dugo-dugo gang ka no?”
SIR: “Gaga! Si sir mo talaga to!”
INDAY: “Gago ka rin! Si sir ang tawag sa kin…kapkeyk…”



15. I once asked my yaya where the Netherlands is located.
She answered: “Diba dun nakatira si Peter Pan?”



16. “O yaya, bakit ka umiiyak?”
Yaya: “Ati, sabi kasi ng duktor, tatanggalan ako ng butlig!”
Ate: “Eh yun lang pala eh! Bakit ka umiiyak?”
Yaya: “Buti kung one lig lang, eh kung butlig, wala na kong ligs!”



17. We saw our yaya staring intently at the orange juice bottle.
Sabi namin: “Yaya, anong ginagawa mo?”
Yaya: “Shhh! Nakalagay sa bote, ‘concentrate’…”



18. Neighbor’s yaya telling the dog to climb down the stairs:
“Down to earth! Down to earth!”



19. My mom was going to buy our yaya a transistor radio.
Before my mom left the house, our yaya said,
“Ma’am, ang kunin niyo yung Ilokano ang salita ha!”



20. We paid for the tuition fee of our yaya’s son.
So one day I was reviewing him: “The Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun.
Ano ang katabi ng Mercury?” His mom, our yaya, answered:
“Parang Watson’s yata…”



21. Sir: “Yaya, natanggal mo yung mantsa sa barong ko?”
Yaya: “Opo! Tanggal na tanggal!”
Sir: “Good! Anong pinang-tanggal mo?”
Yaya: “Gunting, kuya! Gunting!”



22. Yaya to tricycle driver: “Magkano sa City Hall?”
Driver: “Ikaw lang?” Yaya: “Ay bakit, hindi ka sasama?”



23. (Si Kuya pumasok sa kuwarto ni Yaya)
Kuya: “Yaya…”
Yaya: “Koya, wag po! Wag Pooooo!”
Kuya: “Gaga! Uutusan lang kita!”
Yaya: “Si Koya naman…nagsa-suggest lang…”



24. Kid: “Yaya, spell orange?”
Yaya: “Depende. Yung kulay o yung prutas?”



25. Midget Yaya who was newly hired:
“Suwerte po kayo, ako ang napili niyo.
At least kung maibagsak ko si baby, mababa lang!”



26. Yaya to my brother: “Nag tothbrush ka na ng ipin?”
Bro: “Siyempre, alangan namang mag toothbrush ako ng kilikili!”



27. (after being scolded for breaking her promises):
“Ma’am, hindi na po ako mangangako ulit…promise!”



28. We had a yaya who claimed she was being courted by a kapre
in her province and wanted to take her to his kingdom.
Her reason for turning down the offer to be his queen?
“Kapre yun ma’am, malaki ang kwan nun! Wag na uy!”



29. AMO: “Bakit namatay ang aso?”
MAID: “Pinaliguan ko po ng laundry soap.”
AMO: “Nakamamatay ba yun?”
MAID: “Ewan ko nga po eh, pag-off ko ng washing machine patay na.”



30. Yaya picking up the phone saying: “ Hilo ?”
We noticed that she was holding the handset ng baligtad.
We told her, “Yaya, baliktad!”
Then Yaya said: “Lohi?”



31. Amo: Yaya use COOLING PLACE in a sentence.
Yaya: Sir! viry easy! iksample nagring yung phone,
(ring, ring, ring,) Yaya answered, " HILO , WHO'S COOLING PLACE?"

Happy Birthday Mommy Pinks!




May your life be graced with good health.

May you always find happiness in your home.

And may your future be even more wonderful than you dreamed possible.

How Can I quit when...



puff. puff. puff...

Monday, July 20, 2009

What if on a normal day, you wake up and realize that everything is gone?

It's payday today. Yeah, palakpakan ang mga gutom. :)

The moment I woke up, I immediately ran to my PC and checked my Unionbank online account. Indeed the pay was there so I made a few clicks to pay some bills and deposited money on my other account intended for savings.

I went out for a bit to grab something to eat coz I was starving. When I went back, I realized I forgot to pay one bill so I logged in to Unionbank online again only to find that there was 22 centavos left in my account.




Empty. My account was empty.

I panicked coz I was sure there was still some money left in there. I felt like I was robbed and I instantly had creepy thoughts of online scams and hackers and syndicates or what have you. Really I wouldve preferred if someone pointed a knife on my throat and ran away with all my money, coz then I would not have given in without one bloody fight. But this one is different. All my money gone and I don’t know who stole them.

I sat down wishing it was just a glitch in the website. Online traffic maybe, I don’t know. There could be thousands of other people checking their accounts online on the same website so there could be a good chance the website would fail at that moment.

I checked an hour after and fortunately everything is back. All the money is back in my account.

So there.

What if on a normal day, you wake up and realize that everything is gone?

Your family is gone.
Your money in the bank is gone.
Your friends are gone.
Your job is gone.
Your house and assets are gone.
Your clothes are gone.

I sat down bugged by the questions I asked myself. I wanted to avoid the whole thought of it but a part of me wanted to dig deep down.

Seriously. What am I when I have nothing?

This team will never ever be the same again without you.



Goodbye, Sue…

I will forever remember you as a good friend, a great colleague and an awesome person.

This team will never ever be the same again without you.

May you rest in peace. :)


We love you, langga!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Proven and tested and aced fidelity scores with flying rainbow colors. :)

Baby I See You Working Hard
I Want To Let You Know I'm Proud,
Let You Know That I Admire What You Do
The More If I Need To Reassure You,
My Life Would Be Purposeless Without You

When I Ask You, You Provide It
You Inspire Me To Be Better
You Challenge Me For The Better
Sit Back And Let Me Pour Out My Love Letter





Bunster's on his way for a business trip in Singapore so that means, ladies and gentlemen, that I will be alone and sad and bored and blue and loverless for the next, hmmmm, 7 days.

Innnneresting.

The thing about being away from your lover for a long time is that you get to test the person that you are, and how much you get to control your urges to go out and sin, and how well you could brush off temptations.

I think I have always been good at it though. I once had a long-distance relationship that lasted for a year with someone who worked in Singapore. A year! And then I had another one for 5 months with someone who went to Clark for a short-term assignment, and then another time when I went to the US last year.

Twasnt easy, but I have proved myself to be one helluva rockstar when it comes to fighting temptations--- Proven and tested and aced fidelity scores with flying rainbow colors. :)

So there. Keith Pareja's gonna be alone for the next few days. What now?

Promises?

Oh well here goes:

Keith Pareja promises to be a good boy for the next 7 days.

Keith Pareja promises to think ONLY of work and family.

Keith Pareja promises to behave in the gym, and never to stare back at men who throw playful smiles at him.

Keith Pareja promises to avoid the sauna room for the next 7 days to avoid the sight of hungry naked men.

Keith Pareja promises to not go out this weekend. He promises to just stay at home and watch a marathon of his favorite Hollywood classics--- The Misfits (1961, starring Marilyn Monroe) should be on top of his list, followed by Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961, Audrey Hepburn), The Nun, The Roman Holiday and then The 7-Year Itch.

Keith Pareja promises to keep fit and be 2 lbs lighter after 7 days. I promise to keep being the same guy he fell in love with 4 months ago, and keep it that way till kingdom come. :)

Keith Pareja promises not binge, and promises to avoid Larsians and McDo.



I'm gonna keep this list short. The shorter, the better, the possibler.

I'm gonna miss you Bunster. :)

Your secrets and deeds are like things you do in the comforts of a toilet room cubicle



When you have the urge to poop, what do you do as soon as you get to the comfort room?

Wipe the toilet seat to make sure it's clean before you sit down? No.

Check if there's enough tissue? No.

No. No. No.

What you do is you check if the toilet flushes. Seriously.

CHECK IF THE TOILET FLUSHES, PEOPLE!

I had the a situation one time when I was at the mall, and I did "it", only to find out that the toilet doesn’t flush.

Scary right? You're in the mall totally unprepared of the whole situation.

It was total nightmare considering there were about 10 other guys in the men's room and about 5 men lining up to take their turn on the toilet that I was using. The thought of going out of the cubicle with my dinosaur poop lying out there for all the world to see is one of the biggest embarrassments of my life. I shouldve first checked if the toilet flushes, that way I didn’t have to go through the whole mortifying experience. But as they say nasa huli ang pagsisisi…

Which brings me to my point. When you do something dirty, make sure you know how to clean up your mess afterwards. If it's something you want to conceal from the world, then make sure you leave no traces. Sometimes we assume that things always work out for us, but truth is, life is a never-ending trial and error that you don’t know what's gonna happen in the end.

Your secrets and deeds are like things you do in the comforts of a toilet room cubicle. You don’t want people to see it. The goal is to come out clean like it's just a normal day for you.

So the next time you wanna poop, remember step one. Make sure you have all the mechanisms needed to clean out your own mess.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

LA here I come :)

I was googling stuff in the net when I came accross this article about the Top 10 roller coaters in the world. I checked it and found out that the King's Island Roller Coaster actually made it to Number 1.This sit-down wooden roller coaster offers the longest track in the U.S.—coming in at 7,359 feet.



I'm just fortunate enough to have experienced the thrill of what now is the best roller coaster ride in the world. Gaaaaad, I'm just so dying to go back to the US.





Speaking of, I'm set to go back this December. I'll be bound for LA come Christmas season and I'm sure it's gonna be relleyyyyy fun.



LA here I come :)

Monday, July 13, 2009

(I think) the bitch is back and ready. :)

I'm working on a demo for something major. But unfortunately I have to do 5 cuts, no second-takes. Scary.

I need inpiration. I came accross this old video of the greatest voice of all and found more than the inspiration that I was looking for. She's a KILLER. :) Note perfect. Pitch perfect.

Come on people, hand me the music sheets. (I think) the bitch is back and ready. :)


My lifes been better since the day I left you boy
I must admit lifes been kind to me
I went and did the things I said I would do boy
I found someone who loves me for me
Havent had much drama since the day that we split boy
My hearts never been more at ease
And when I think of all the things you put me thru
Leaving you has been the best thing for me

But...

Why does it hurt so bad?
Why do I feel so sad?
Thought I was over you
But I keep crying
When I dont love you
So why does it hurt so bad
I thought I had let you go
So, why does it hurt me so
I gotta get you outta my head
It hurts so bad

Seriously. Some earthlings can be that stupid.


I checked my Facebook account today to update my profile and shout-outs (or whatever you call it). I at least update it like twice a week depending on my mood and my love-hate relationship with my free wi-fi connection courtesy of my good samaritan neighbor who's completely unaware that 3 other nearby tenants get to enjoy their internet connection, too.

Today I took time to read my friend's status shout-outs.

Some Facebook shout-outs just freak me out. You know, that part where you type in "Keith is doing this and that---blah blah"… You know that part where people write creepy song lyrics beside their names, like for example one of my friends today wrote: " says what do we mean to each other, am I friend, am I lover, is it over now?".

Seriously. Some earthlings can be that stupid.

This just creeps me out coz I almost always think of some beautiful bullshit to write in my facebook status. :)

Since I'm blah-ing about facebook already, let me just narrate one of today's biggest personal laments of yours truly. Around 3, I searched my friend May's profiles and found out that I have 5 people in my friends list named May .

Creeped me out. I personally know only ONE May so the other 4 happened to be complete strangers.

I checked my full list of friends and found out I had 600-something friends. I didn’t know I had that many friends. Like hello, do I look like a freakin' sociable person to you???

I started reading the names one by one and found out that I do not even know like half of the people in my list. At some point I did approve some friend requests of people I "barely" know just for the heck of it, but I never thought I'd end up with 200-something strangers--- that's just insane.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

"Mom, that would be VERY easy if I was born straight, but I'm not so---"


I wonder how my life would be if I was born straight.

I had this thought today when I met my Mom over to have lunch. I typically see her once every two weeks (or sometimes longer than that), but this month, I get to see her like every week. A while ago while the two of us were pigging out on lechon, she told me about one of our neighbors getting pregnant. And then she had her usual segway on me getting married and when, and having my own kids and finding that one person I can spend the rest of my life with.

At the back of my mind I retorted, "Mom, that would be VERY easy if I were born straight, but I'm not so---".

As always, I would usually answer her with a smirk. My Mom knows the whole truth about me being gay , and my dreams, even my love stories (and love failures). So if I could just tell her exactly what I was thinking that time, I would have mercilessly uttered "Mom, that would be VERY easy if I were born straight, but I'm not--- so I guess you'd have to settle on the fact that your son is taking the non-conventional route--- but don’t worry Mom, I'm having the time of my life--- seriously".

I sat down in bed trying to get some sleep. And then the questions start to creep in. What if I was born straight? Life would have been easier. No. Maybe life would be harder. I'm not sure.

What if I was born a girl? How would life be drooling over dresses made of lace? How would I look wearing pigtails and curls and ribbons and headbands? How would it feel to have menstruation? How many boyfriends would I have? How would it feel to talk with your girl friends on the telephone in the wee hours of the night talking about boys? How would it feel to walk in the beach wearing a bikini? At what age would I lose my virginity? At what age would I get pregnant? Will I ever get the chance to find my Romeo and settle down? How would he look?

But what if I was born a straight guy? How would it feel to enlist myself on a basketball team? How would it feel to bring a lady flowers? How would it feel to be in the same shower room with dozen other naked guys after a game? How would it feel to get so drunk after some random girl I fell in love with broke my heart? How many girlfriends will I have? How would it feel to become a Dad?

I wanna know, but that would be something that I could never fathom. I could read about it on Cosmo or Men's Health, but it would be like a 3-year old kid reading HTML language. I rest my case as I have conceded to the fact that I shall be forever unknowing of whatever is going on at the other side of the world.
But then, dont worry Mom. If you worry about me growing old alone and unhappy, I assure you it's gonna be otherwise the case.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Slouch


I only get to work 4 days this week instead of 5 since it will be the Independence Day Celebration in the US this July 3. One day vacation for me these days would mean a lot--- it could save my life as a matter of fact. I still have the biggest hang-over from the sick-leave I had last week coz I'd like to think I'm totally well but I had recurring headaches for the past couple of days reason for me to concede to the validation that I still need a lot of bed rest.

Missing Home. I miss home and the kids. I keep on looking at my nieces' and nephews' pics when it gets really lonely.

On Being Cared For. The other day, my Mom and Dad came to visit me here in the city and for the first time in the longest time I felt like their baby again. I have somehow forgotten feeling of being the one who was cared for by my parents.

Dumb. I have been out of the office for a week, and now Im back to work. I so want to be on top of my game this week, but I'm having quite a challenge at switching gears. I feel dumb actually. I'd like to think that this is just a phase, and I'd wake up next week to find myself back in perfect corporate shape.

Manager's Appreciation Award. This week aint all that bad. In fact I had the greatest come back last Monday when my bosses and colleagues surprised me with an awesome token of appreciation (and some cash, hehehe). I am pretty convinced now, and beaming with delight, at the amount of good karma that I'm able to burn-off on this seemingly thankless job. I thank you all for giving me this award, it means a lot to me really.

Bun's Home. Bunster's home from a long business trip in Bangkok and Singapore, and then a wedding in Davao. Crazy couple weeks that was for him, poor Bunster. But he's now back and (thankfully) AH1N1-free. We have scheduled a trip to Bantayan Island this weekend by the way, and I'm excited about the fact that this is going to be our first out of town trip together. *asus*

Sketches


I was cleaning my room this morning and I came across one of my really really REALLY old sketch pads. This is actually one of the tons of sketch pads I used to have back when I used to fancy drawing and sketching as a hobby (and yes as a good source of income in college). A lot of them are now lost, I don’t know who has them now, but I'm pretty sure theyre with some of my friends and relatives who love my creation. They usually take it out of my pad without my consent, and the next thing I know almost always, the sketch is already framed and hung and lit and displayed like some piece of important artwork. I didn’t complain, I mean to me then, sketches were just sketches and they can do whatever.
But now that I've only got one really old sketchpad left, I'm starting to miss my old artworks. I photographed them earlier so I wont lose them forever, and Ive decided to put it in this blog and my facebook account for posterity's sake. I mean whatever. I just don’t wanna lose them.

And then I think Im gonna be able to come up with more as I go to an old friend's house in Danao. She has a wallful of my drawings (and even paintings). It's gonna be really cool I bet.
There you go..

always Cosmo-cover worthy


Katrina Halili at Cosmo

Call me whatever, but I'm a big, as in BIG fan of Katrina Halili.

When I knew she was this month's cover girl for Cosmo, I immediately bought a copy. I just couldn’t wait to read the article Katrine Halili: On Hurt, Craving For Peace, And Her Fight For Women's Rights by Zo Aguila.

Good to see she is slowly moving on from the 2-month frenzy over those scandalous sex videos with Hayden Kho. Despite all the controversies, it's an awesome treat to see Katrina in good shape and always Cosmo-cover worthy.